When I didn’t get into my dream graduate school program and nearly had a mental breakdown when I decided not to go to my back up school, I talked myself down from the ledge and said, “A year off isn’t that bad.”

      I wish I could go back in time and beat my past self senseless with a cantaloupe.

      Why cantaloupe? Because after a swift thrashing I would be tired and the fruit would nourish me and give me the strength to figure how to go back to the future. Michael J. Fox, I love you.

     As previously mentioned, I’m not handling this year off so well. I’m used to constant intellectual stimulation (pompous jerk moment count: 1) and while I’m incredibly lucky to have a fulltime job at a wonderful office and I’m extremely greatful to be working in this economy, I can’t help but miss school.

   Today, as I was wallowing in my pool of self-pity (My this pity is cold! Oh it’s so deep! Better get my water wings…), a thought popped into my head: you could be an elephant.

    Let me explain: One morning while I was getting dressed for school, I had the t.v. on just so I could have some background noise. I don’t know about you, but silent mornings irk me. I need noise. A televangelist was on preaching his little Southern heart out on waiting. I was half listening to him because the process of crafting the perfect put together, but not too put together look was honestly more important to me than a divine revelation. Just as I was thinking, “Mauve, glorious mauve! Why did I not think of you before!” (mauve and navy blue are two of my favorite colors) I heard Mr. Preacher Man say, “It could be worse; you could be en elephant.” Come again? I stopped what I was doing and started listening to what he said.

 The elephant is the largest land mammal. The male elephant usually lives by himself, while the female will live in herd comprised of mothers, daughters, and aunts. The entire life of a female herd is dedicated to the breeding and rearing of calves. A female elephant is usually ready to mate around the age of thirteen. Once she’s pregnant she’ll carry that calf for 22 months. That’s almost two years or 670 days. Through heat, drought, intense rain, and the threat of predators and poachers, she’ll carry that calf.  She will give birth to a baby that is nearly 250lbs and 2 ½ ft tall. Like us, elephants are born with very few survival instincts and rely on their elders to teach them what they need to know. Due to the fact that herds are all related, when an elephant does not have a calf, she is responsible for the other calves in her herd.

        So, when you think your life is tough, it could be worse; you could be an elephant.