My sister and my niece have come to visit for a few days, which is always awesome. I love having company because it gives me more material for jokes  chances to interact with my family.  My family is a ball of sarcasm coated with backhanded compliments and illogical eccentricities rocks. Plus, familial interactions allow me to people watch without seeming like a creeper. People watching is my pastime. I would sit outside a Starbucks and people watch/ eavesdrop before I would see a movie. Anyway, as a broke college grad with a sizeable chunk of debt that would make Suze Orman say “what the crap?!” I really need to be saving money.

So onto the story:

My parents didn’t know my sister was coming in (it was surprise) so it was my job to pick up the Regameister and her midget. Her flight was coming in at 9:20, I got to the airport around 9:10. I was inside the airport around 9:20 because I could not for the life of me figure out where the parking lot was and I ended up driving around in circles cussing the architect or whoever makes the signs for airports for ten minutes.

When I finally got into the airport, I called my sister and she told me to wait for her by baggage claim since she had to bring a lot of stuff with her. I sauntered (you like how I used that word, don’t you?) over there and waited while old Jews from Brooklyn who used to keep a kosher table, but don’t anymore, pushed and shoved to get prime spots at the carousel.

So as I’m standing there, I see a man who can only be described as Norman Bates with more hair standing next to a woman who looks like she stepped out of Sex and the City. I refused to see if she had a ring on her finger because then I would’ve had to acknowledge the fact that Norman Bates was married to Samantha Jones and that just shouldn’t happen. Anyway, the have a bunch of pet carriers at the feet, so many that they could open their own petting zoo. (Yes, it would be lame, but I would still go). Out of nowhere a disgruntled airport employee rolls over an old woman in a wheel chair. She’s wearing a flaming red wig and her make up must have been applied in the dark with a “screw it, I’m old” mentality.  Mr. Disgruntled stops the wheelchair in front of Mr. and Mrs. Bates and asks, “Does this belong to you?” Quick as a whip the old woman looks at couple and says, “You got my pussy?!” in a loud, cranky, “I’m old and I don’t care” voice. Mr. Bates then picked up a pet carrier and handed it to her.

At this point I lost consciousness due to lack of oxygen because I was laughing so hard. Worth it.