My niece is a maniac. She genetically predisposed to be a maniac. Coming from a long line of maniacs whose madness has surpassed some of the finest insane minds of our generation, Emmalyn has the potential to outstrip them all. How do I know this, you ask? Why am I so convinced that a 10 month old infant will outdo us? What could she have possibly done to prove her brilliance?
Well, I’ll tell you.
After months and months of toddling on her unsteady legs, Emmalyn has finally learned how to walk without assistance. Stairs are still her mortal enemies, but give her a flat plain and she’s walk for miles…well, not miles, maybe 3 ft.
One day, while getting ready to start the day, Emmalyn leaves my sister in the bedroom to dress and goes exploring. My sister thinks nothing of this because Emmalyn is still at war with the stairs so there’s no chance of her attempting to climb down them. About a minute passes and suddenly my sister hears maniacal laughter coming from down the hall. Upon locating the source of the laughter, she finds Emmalyn sitting in the bathroom, maxi pads littering the floor. Emmalyn has pads stuck to her hands and is laughing so hard she is practically hysterical.
You see why she’ll surpass us all.
My brother pulled a television set on his head.
My sister ate paper like a goat.
I threw eggs out of the fridge for entertainment.
Emmalyn plays with Kotex.
Bask in the brilliance. Bask.