I have been smelling pancakes all day.
In the shower: pancakes
In the car: pancakes
At work: pancakes, pancakes, pancakes.
I haven’t had pancakes in weeks, but for some reason I keep smelling hot, fresh off the griddle flap jacks. Don’t ask me why. There’s no logic behind it. If I hadn’t had an errand to run, I would have gone to IHOP for lunch today, sat by myself in the corner, and gorged on pumpkin praline pancakes. I would have used every single one of those syrups they leave on the table, even though blueberries make me gag.
This is how I know it’s time to go on a diet.
Whenever I start obsessing over a food, I know that it’s time for me to start running an extra mile and eating more
crappy heart healthy vegetables. This happens every couple of months to me. Usually it occurs when something is stressing me out (PAGEANT!). My junior year of college I carried a box of Honey Comb cereal around like a security blanket. When the Honey Comb no longer worked and I switched to Trix, I had a melt down in the grocery store because Trix no longer comes in fun fruit shapes. It shamed my friend, Hannah, so much that she finally had to stage an intervention.
The scene in the grocery store went something like this:
Me: I just need to get some cereal.
Hannah: Really? Didn’t you just buy a box?
Me: I finished it.
Hannah: That was a pretty big box.
Me: I know, but I shared with people.
Hannah: That’s enough cereal, Gyasi.
Me: No! I need Trix! Here are the Trix! Just one box! Look, here are the- (gets a good look at the box and discovers they’ve changed the shape of the cereal) what the heck is this! Who changes the shape of Trix?! The shape is the best part!
Hannah: Gyasi, it’s just cereal.
Me: The shape is what you pay for! I don’t want round spheres! I want my awkwardly shaped oranges and lemons! Those evil little corporate hounds! It’s a conspriracy!
Hannah: (nervously) Gyasi, put the cereal down.
Me: Oh I’ll put it down! In the bowels of hell!!!!!!
God bless Hannah for putting up with that.
The next week I was admitted (against my will) into the Kellogg clinic for cereal addiction. It’s run by Sonny who used to be “cuckoo for cocoa puffs,” but has now made the commitment to live puff free.
Now that I’ve taken that joke too far, let’s get back to the topic at hand. Just in time to
ruin enrich my Christmas, I’m going on a diet. I’m going to cut back on sugary and fatty foods and start making smarter decisions about what I eat. I’m also going to start running 8 miles a week to try to keep myself in shape.
But before I start my diet I’m going to The International House of Pancakes with Hannah.
I’m bringing my own syrup.
Hannah will be bringing a tranquilizer gun in case I get too excited.