iTunes is my crack.
Revise that, $0.69 songs are my crack and iTunes is my dealer.
Let me lay some groundwork for you so that statement makes more sense.
I think Apple has gotten wind of the fact that I made their Christmas bonuses possible with the amount of money I spend on iTunes. Suddenly there are a million (really only 50 or 60) songs that are only 69 cents. To make life even better, and because my family is awesome, I received about $50 worth of iTunes gift cards for Christmas. And headphones. Those intense sound blocking headphones that make it possible for a homicidal maniac to sneak up behind you at 11pm and kill you without you being any wiser. Now I’ve scared myself. Perhaps my parents are planning my demise and the headphones are part of some sinister plot. I’m wise to you He-Man and Chi-Chi. You may fall asleep at 8:30 while watching Criminal Minds in your red flannels and mustard yellow socks, but I’m game to your schemes. I’m watching you.
Did I mentioned that I’ve become paranoid from lack of sleep?
Ever since Christmas I’ve done nothing but peruse the iTunes store buying 69 cent songs that I really don’t need or particularly like. I only need them because they’re 69 cents and I have free money to spend.
I now own an entire collection of Daft Punk music.
Am I a big fan of Daft Punk?
I “Technologic” with the best of them, but I don’t follow them or get super hyped when they drop an album. I’m not going to see Tron: Legacy just to hear the amazing score they did for the film. I’m not going to see Tron: Legacy because I would most likely have to see it by myself and after the fiasco that was me seeing RENT alone, never again!
What was I saying?
Oh yes, music crack.
Since I bought a collection of Daft Punk music when I should have bought music from Audrey Assad or The Script, I now have to justify the purchase. I can’t use the music in the gym because of the resident creeper and I can’t use it as part of a “Going to Work” playlist because I’m just not that happy. This only leaves one option: light switch raves.
A light switch rave is what happens when you
are too lazy to actually go out and party don’t live close enough to any sort of party scene and have a lot of techno music on your iTunes. It’s actually quite easy to put together a light switch rave. Here are some simple steps:
1 ) Purchase a glow stick (they’re like a quarter at Party City)
2 ) Make a playlist with nothing but techno
3 ) Find a room with a good light switch
4 ) Put on some kind fluorescent clothing
5 ) Turn on playlist
6 ) Dance idiotically while twirling the glow stick
7 ) Flip the lights on and off
8 ) Repeat step 7 until tired or the neighbors complain
You may develop the forearms of a sturdy Ukrainian woman from flipping the lights on and off, but that’s a sacrifice you’ll have to make for the sake of the party. I failed to mentioned that you should invite your friends to your light switch rave because you should never invite friends to a light switch rave. You will no longer have friends if you let them into your private madness. The first rule about light switch raves is never talk about light switch raves!
Maybe this is why my parents are trying to kill me.