I’ve decided to make a list of pros and cons concerning Spinsterhood and Unwed Motherhood to figure out which I would prefer.
1 ) Never having to utter the phrase “Do NOT make me pull this car over!”
2 ) You always get to choose the movie when you go to the theatre
3 ) Pets help you live longer, kids suck the life out of you
4 ) Do laundry whenever you bloody well feel like it and not when one of your kids HAS TO wear THAT shirt tomorrow
5 ) Cats don’t need a college fund; you can go to Aruba
1 ) Minimal contact with humans
2 ) You go to that freakin’ theatre alone and have to sit by a couple who suck face for two hours
3 ) Putting your cats in outfits and calling them your “babies”
4 ) Being called “Crazy Cat Lady”
5 ) The “college fund” becomes the “pet sitter fund” when you go to Aruba…alone
Unwed Mother Pros
1 ) Never having to apply for a new passport, social security card, or driver’s license because you’re never changing your name
2 ) If you raise them right the kid(s) will look after you when you’re old
3 ) Being called a “Hot Mama”
4 ) Having a big bed all to yourself (when the kids aren’t in it)
5 ) Hearing the phrase “I love you, Mom” on a regular basis
Unwed Mother Cons
1 ) Always having to get up at weddings to catch the bouquet (and possibly having to take your baby with you)
2 ) Potty training a child by yourself
3 ) Being called a “Baby Mama”
4 ) Not being able to say, “I’m gonna tell your Daddy what you did when he gets home.” (I don’t know what it is, but that phrase has power.)
5 ) Turning into a carbon copy of your mother due to the stress of single parenting.
You guys know I’m being facetious, right?
I’m not honestly considering any of these options.
Please don’t judge me.