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    When I was first thinking about this post I couldn’t decide if I wanted to take the “I’m single, angry, and bitter” route or the “Life beautiful! I’m in love with Love!” route. To be honest, I’m not really feeling either. While I’m not “Anti-Valentine’s Day” I’m not “Pro-Valentine’s Day” either. I feel happy for the people who receive candy and jewelry and go on nice dates, but I also sympathize with the people who wear black and beat Cupid shaped pinatas senseless. Anyway, I could wax on and off about Valentine’s Day forever; let’s get to the post.

    Instead of going half-heartedly down either of those roads, I decided to take the middle road and analyze the lyrics of what was once one of my favorite love songs: My Funny Valentine. (Aren’t I good to you? I give you love and sarcastic humor. Yeah me!) When I was younger I fell in love with a version by Kristen Chenoweth and I’ve loved it ever since. Unfortunately, when Tina sang the song on Glee last week, I really got to listen to the lyrics and realize that the song is actually quite offensive. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

   My funny Valentine…

    (Ok, we’re doing good)

    Sweet, comic valentine…

    (A very nice phrase)

    You make me smile with my heart…

    (That’s a little too saccharine for me, but whatever, still nice)

    Your looks are laughable…

   (Hold up)

   Unphotographable…

   (This guy’s a pisser)

   Yet you’re my favorite work of art…

   (I don’t know if that makes up for calling her dog-face ugly)

    Is your figure less than Greek?

    (What’s he saying here?)

   Is your mouth a little weak?

   (So she’s dog-fac ugly with no chin?)

    When you open it to speak…

   (Wait for it)

    Are you smart?

    (So in addition to being hideous this chick is also as dumb as a slightly moistened rock? Awesome.)

    But don’t change a hair for me…

    (He just spent the entire song telling her how much she repulses him and now he’s saying “I love you, you’re perfect”? What a tool.)

   Not if you care for me…

   (Now he’s issuing ultimatums? This guy certainly is a catch. A catch I would love to gut and fry on a grill.)

    Stay little Valentine…

    (My bags would have been packed at “Unphotographable”)

    Stay!

    (Run chick run!)

    Each day is Valentine’s Day

    (If he’s this verbally abusive on Valentine’s Day, I can’t imagine what regular days are like.)

     Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

   

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