In honor of my sister’s birthday I’ve put together a list of some of the funniest things she’s ever said.

1 ) “I’m going to kill that man! I’m gonna put razor blades in his pillow!”

2 ) “Being married to him would probably be about as fun as pouring hot coffee in your lap.”

3 ) “Someone at work said that Tim looks like El DeBarge. El Foggie?”

      “No, El DeFog.” (My brother’s last name is Foggie.)

4 ) “Joshua Jackson is too hot to trot. I think I would watch Fringe even if they just blew raspberries for forty-five minutes.”

5 ) “Somebody in my class smells like bad breath.”

6 ) (Kira’s thoughts on white people with dreadlocks) “Especially dirty dreads. I don’t feel the need to drop kick them if they are at least well-kept dreads. I still don’t think they should wear dreads, but at least keep them neat if you do. Black folk should wear yarmulkes and see how angry they’d get.”

7 ) “Who understands men? For that matter: who understands men with ponytails? Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and men with ponytails are from Uranus.”

8 ) “I’m pretty sure she’s a British lesbian. Her name is so British I needed some tea to wash it down, when she speaks it’s like she’s slapping you with the British flag, and I mistook her for a man when she walked into the room.”

9 ) “It’s great being black. We have awesome folk tales. White folk tales would probably be like “Why Vikings wear stupid hats” or “Who starves without potatoes?”

10 ) “That rufie would have to be the size of a rhino to keep him knocked out for that long.”

Happy Birthday, Kira!