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Ferrero Rocher

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   Ferrero Rochers are like the Grey Poupon of candy.

   They’re wonderfully hoity toity and delicious.

   For the last three months, we’ve had a massive box of them sitting in our pantry. I used to eat one everyday, but then Chi-Chi said we had to save them for a special occassion (that will never come) and so I stopped eating them. About 20 Rochers have been sitting untouched in my pantry for over a month now. Yesterday, I could no longer handle the knowledge that Rochers were in the house and I was not mauling them like a rabid Bengal tiger. However, Weight Watchers has instilled good food morals in me, so I checked the points value before I ate one.

   Did you know that 3 Ferrero Rochers is only 6 Weight Watchers points?

   Twas like God was smiling down on me from the heavens.

   Until I bit into one and then I felt like Satan was cackling in his fiery pit and saying, “Gotcha!”

   I was not aware that Rochers can go bad. They can go so bad that instead of tasting a wonderfully creamy chocolate center beneath a layer of crunchy chocolate and hazelnuts, you feel like you’re eating an eyeball. The only way I could have been more disappointed was if I were five and someone knocked my ice cream off it’s cone and into dog poop.

   If I had common sense I probably wouldn’t have been so upset, but the way they advertise Rochers I thought they were impervious to spoilage. Goodness, the commercial shows them falling from the heavens and into the mouths of mere mortals. What else was I supposed to think? They should put some kind of disclaimer on the box.

   Warning: not actually food from the gods. Will go bad and cause tears.

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