My hair has become a breeding ground for small flies.

    About a week ago, I started to notice these small, about the size of a pencil tip flies buzzing about the house. Every time I spotted one I would swat it or kill it with my hand depending on my mood. The first day I thought nothing of the flies. I figured someone had left the door or a window open and perhaps some bugs had flown in. The second day, I still didn’t think much of it. On the fourth day one of them flew into my mouth and then I was mad. It completely ruined the taste of my homemade Weight Watchers approved English muffin sandwich.

    We’re about to hit the two week mark and now I’m really starting to wonder where the heck these flies are coming from. I’ve thought that they might be coming in through the vents. Frogs have been known to come through the vents as well as lizards. I asked He-Man about it and he said no. My next thought was that perhaps our house is possessed by demons and this is their way of asserting themselves. However, I’ve watched way too many horror movies on exorcisms so this is probably just my imagination running wild.

   This morning when I got into the shower and spotted a fly on the drain pipe, I beat the thing senseless with my loofa. Then I noticed that there were about twenty fly corpses surrounding my soap and shampoo bottles. This was when I realized that the flies are mostly likely coming from my hair. For some odd reason they must be attracted to the smell of my shampoo, so they swarm my hair and then come into my house where they bother living crap out of me day and night. 

    I’ve always considered myself a thoroughly hygenic person. I shower twice a day; however, that’s apparently what’s causing the problem so I’ll just have to become a dirty hippy who believes sweat is God’s way of cleansing the body.

   Not that I have a thing against hippies or anything.

   That’s a lie, hippies give me agita.

   Sorry, hippies.