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Pepperidge Farm

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  To quote the great Mitch Hedberg, “Pepperidge Farm is fancy…it’s wrapped twice. So you open it and it still ain’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it, I don’t need another step between me and toast.”

  For this reason I normally stay away from Pepperidge Farm bread, but dang it if they don’t make an awesome pumpernickel.  I purchased a loaf the other day and Chi-Chi and I had a field day making fun of my bread between sandwiches.

   Chi-Chi: I don’t know why they do it. No one can ever open the second wrapper neatly so then you end up with shredded, man-handled plastic touching your expensive bread.

  Me: It says “double wrapped for freshness,” but that just makes you feel bad. Here you are, trying to make a sandwich with your double wrapped bread, when you accidently tear the second wrapping to pieces. Now you’re thinking, ‘Crap, my bread is going to spoil faster! It was double wrapped for freshness! Curse you Pepperidge Farm!’

  Then we laughed at our own jokes and went about our day.

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