I’m never sure how to answer this question, mostly because of the way it’s delivered. The majority of people who ask me why I’m single are usually well-meaning individuals who really mean to say, “How is a smart, sophisticated, mind blowingly gorgeous girl like yourself still single?” At least this is what I tell myself. They don’t realize that the question they’re asking is actually quite rude and impertinent.

    Normally I just answer with a shrug and jovial “Just haven’t met the right guy yet,” but my evil mind was working the other day and I thought up a list of answers that I would really love to give if I ever work up the nerve.

    1 ) Well, I can’t start dating until the rash clears.

    2 ) My AA sponsor said it’s not a good idea.

    3 ) He just won’t leave his wife.

    4 ) I’m still coming to terms with my sexuality.

    5 ) I met my last boyfriend at the family reunion and things have been awkward ever since so I’m concentrating on school right now.

    6 ) The male escort rates have gone up.

    7 ) I have herpes! Thank you for bringing up a sore subject!

    8 ) I sent this guy on facebook 200 messages, but he hasn’t responded.

    9 ) I can’t date until after the operation.

    10 ) Justin Bieber won’t return my calls.

    Actually, I’m probably still single because making up lists of random, mildly vulgar phrases is how I entertain myself.

   Oh well…