No weight loss this week, but I’ve moved up to 5 miles.

   Strangely enough I feel good. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Miles 1-2 feel like the 5th circle of Hell, mile 3 is a 6 on the scale of suck-i-tude, but miles 4-5 feel like I’m swimming in a pool of ponies and rainbows. I’m not exactly sure swimming in a pool of ponies would feel good because of all the hooves, but I think rainbows would be delightful.

    Don’t ask me why the beginning of my run sucks and the latter end feels good. Perhaps it’s because I know I’m coming to the end, but normally when I’m coming to the end of a run I feel like I’m going to fall over dead. That’s how I used to feel when I ran 3 miles. That’s how I felt when I ran in NY this past weekend. However, that could be because my sister made me run a 9 minute mile. She almost lost her life. I’m a 10-11 minute mile runner. I only do 9 minutes when I’m doing a short run, say 2-3 miles.  Once I go past the 3 mark it’s slow jog city.

    I think part of the reason why my runs are feeling so good is because I’m incredibly stressed.  This week I might find out about FAU and the only time I feel remotely content and at peace within myself is when I’m plugged into my iPod and running like there’s no tomorrow. Right not I’m so wired that I’m considering running 6 miles tonight at the gym.

     Anxiety has been my bff these last few weeks.  No matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about NOT getting in to FAU. No matter how hard I try I cannot compose a single positive thought about this grad school situation. I want to, but I’m mentally incapable of doing so. Whenever I see the glimmer of a happy thought, something in my psyche beats the living daylights out of it. It’s almost like watching a lioness take down a wildebeest on the Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.

    It’s quite violent.

    And not at all healthy.

   Now that I’m thinking about it, this could be the reason why I didn’t lose any weight this week. Supposedly stress keeps you from losing weight.

    Great.

   On top of everything I stress about I now get to add my self-defeating attitude to the list.

   6 miles it is…

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