Before I started watching Bella, my friend, Julie, gave me instructions on how to care for her dog.

In addition to instructions, she also added this lovely warning: “She’s a chewer, so be mindful of your stuff.”

Now, when she said “chewer” I thought she meant that Bella might chew on the occasional flip-flop. To combat this, I close the bedroom door before I leave the apartment, this way Bella is confined to the living room. When I’m at the apartment, I keep my purse on the counter, out of Bella’s reach. I thought “chewer” literally meant “she will chew things.”

After five days, I now know that “chewer” means “mischievous doggie genius.”

As I was washing dishes five minutes ago, I realized that it was awfully quiet in the apartment. Bella wasn’t running around like a madwoman. She wasn’t barking at the couch or licking the lotion off of my legs (the game we play when I’m putting on lotion is going to be an entirely separate blog post) or eating her food. In fact, I didn’t see Bella anywhere in the near vicinity. I know enough about dogs, despite never having owned one, to know that NOT knowing where your dog or your loaner dog is, is never good no matter what the situation. I called out to her and there was no answer. I immediately rinsed the soap off my hands and went on the search.

Bella wasn’t in the kitchen area or the living room. She wasn’t in the spare bedroom or bathroom. I checked Julie’s room and Bella wasn’t there either. At this point, I’m starting to worry. Did she sneak out while I was washing? I figured that the water was on and I might not have heard her. Nope. The door was locked and I would have seen it open from the kitchen. I called Bella’s name again and suddenly she comes racing out of Julie’s bedroom with a big smile on her face. (Can dog’s smile?) Even though she was only “missing” for five minutes, if that, that was four minutes and fifty-nine seconds too long. I’m incredibly suspicious so I decide to check Julie’s room.

Miss Bella apparently decided to have herself a pantie palooza and has strewn my undies all about Julie’s bedroom. Don’t ask me how she got into my bag, which was zipped, but she did and now it’s panties-a-go-go.

And as an added bonus, she chewed my the head off my toothbrush.

UPDATE: It’s 6am on Saturday and I’ve just woken up to discover that Bella chewed my two pairs of ballet flats.