On Saturday my friends, Jason and Hannah, got married.
Now, because I love them both immensely and because I’m extremely long-winded, I’ve decided that instead of giving you a play-by-play of their wedding, I will instead list the top five moments of the day.
5 ) The tears
Hannah and Jason are probably the most sincere couple I know. They’re also the funniest, but that’s a blog for another day. We’ve been looking forward to their wedding for a long time, so understandably, it was a very emotional day. Hannah was trying not to cry. Her mother was trying not to cry. Her grandmothers were trying not to cry. Her sister was trying not to cry.
In order to stave off the tears, we talked about inconsequential things in the bridal room before the ceremony. We talked about the awesome bouquet. We talked about the alterations done on Hannah’s dress. We talked about shoes…and then I started to cry. Don’t ask me why shoes put me over the edge, but they did. Normal people would have cried when Hannah walked down the aisle. People with good sense may have cried when Jason said his vows. However, I’m an oddball who writes crap about bacon on the internet so I cry when one of my best friends talks about shoes.
4 ) The limo ride
In most weddings the bride, groom, and sometimes the bridal party will take a limo to the reception. This was the case with Hannah and Jason’s wedding. All together we were a party of twelve. Shame the limo was probably only meant to seat about nine. Don’t ask me how we managed to seat five grown men, Hannah’s dress, and our shoes into the limo, but we did. Hannah’s sister was literally sitting on the edge of her seat for the entire ride. Actually she’s quite talented because she managed to pour champagne for us en route and keep her balance. I think she should join Cirque du Soleil. That’s a talent they’ve never seen before.
3 ) Our hair and make-up
Because we’re such a scraggly looking bunch (just kidding), Hannah planned for the bridesmaids to have their hair and make-up done before the wedding. Those of you with brown skin know that having your make-up done by anyone other than Chaka Khan can leave you looking a little bit pale. (Or a little too dark. You either look like Casper or Al Jolson. Case in point, my sister looked like Memoirs of a Geisha at her wedding.) I don’t know why, but it’s very hard for make-up artists to get brown skin right. That’s why I opted to do my own make-up and just have my hair done. I’m thankful that I did this and that Hannah had the good sense to hire people, because she hired a hair ninja. I looked fabulous. The reason why I call the hair stylist a hair ninja is because of the conversation we had:
Hair Ninja: What would you like me to do?
Me: I don’t know. Whatever you think will look good.
Hair Ninja: Hmm…you have beautiful curls. Do you mind if I blow dry your hair a little bit?
Me: Well, in the summer it doesn’t stay strai- (Hair Ninja whips out her blow dryer and straightens my hair in 4 seconds flat) Oh my…well that looks lovely.
Hair Ninja also had in her bag of Hair Ninja secrets a hair spray that kept my hair straight and styled the entire day. It was shiny too. My hair doesn’t do shiny. It’s either matte or “EEEKKK!” That’s what my hair does.
I realize now that I should have perhaps put more faith in the make-up artist because was Hannah practically glowed when her make-up was finished.
Hannah: Does it look good?
Me: I can’t look directly at you. I may go blind from the brilliance.
That conversation may or may not have taken place.
I may or may not have been too fascinated by my newly straightened hair.
Did I mention that I’m the worst bridesmaid ever?
2 ) The bouquet toss
Ever since Beyoncé recorded “Single Ladies” I believe the bouquet toss has gotten 1000x worse for women without rings. Not only to we have to awkwardly shuffle to the front (or be awkwardly pushed onto the dance floor), but now we have our own awkward theme song. Thank you, B.
Because God was in need of a good laugh, there were only about five single girls at the wedding. There were probably more, but when you’re sitting in the front and people know you came without a date, there’s no way you can hide without looking like a jerk. I begrudgingly walked over to the dance floor and tried to make jokes with the other girls up there. Each one of us was in no humor to be up there, but we loved Hannah enough to indulge her. We weren’t the type of girls to fight over flowers (although they were quite lovely and I think they would have made a beautiful wall hanging if pressed in a book and then mounted on a scenic backing…not that I put a ton of thought into it) so we kept saying things like, “You can have it. No really, you should have it. I’m too young to get married! No, no after you.”
While we were all deferring to each other, Hannah raised her arms high and tossed her bouquet. It made a beautiful arch in the air and then landed. On the floor. And no one moved to pick it up. We all just stood there and refused to pick up the bouquet.
Poor Hannah deserves better single friends.
Finally, her sister-in-law picked up the bouquet because she has a shred of human decency in her.
1 ) The ceremony
For those of you who prefer my comedic side and not my mushy gushy my-friends-are-all-married-and-it’s-wonderful side, then you should probably stop reading right now.
Like I said before, we’ve been looking forward to this ceremony for a long time. In the last two years Hannah and Jason have had to go through more than most couples go through in a lifetime. They’ve stuck by each other with prayer, hope, and a strong dose of wit. When I think about a couple that honestly embodies 1 Corinthians 13, I think of them. Screw every romantic movie you’ve ever seen. Forget every day-dream or fantasy you’ve ever had about love and relationships. They’re the real deal. They’re the ones who’ll make it.
When they said their vows I immediately started tearing up. I got a lump in my throat the size of Calcutta and I immediately regretted not putting on waterproof mascara. My Hannah bear was getting married. My squishy little curmudgeon Jason was gonna be a husband. Did I mention that I adore them?
As they promised to love, honor, and obey, I sighed and I said a prayer thanking God for those two. They give me hope that people can still love each other. Even though they’ve only been married for two days now, I know that they meant every vow. Jason is going to love Hannah with everything he has. Hannah is going to honor Jason in all that she does. They’re both going to deny themselves and defer to the other from now until the death do they part.
I know very few people believe in marriage anymore. Most people view it as an antiquated remnant of our primitive culture. Sometimes I doubt it too. Sometimes I think about my friends who hop in and out of relationships so fast that you can barely keep the name of their flavors of the week straight. Sometimes I think of the high divorce rate and how many kids have to live between two parents. Sometimes I think about annulments that say it never happened. Sometimes I think about how often people cheat on their spouses. Sometimes I think about the amount of first, second, and third spouses there are out there. Sometimes I’m perfectly content on my own and I wonder why anyone would take the risk when it could all fall apart in a moment.
Then I come across an exception.
And then I know why.