Woman's one-piece bathing suit, 1920s, USA

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No more apple chips before bed.

I’ve taken a liking to apple chips, but I don’t think I can eat them anywhere near my bedtime. Since I’ve started eating apple chips, I’ve had crazy dreams. Not crazy like that time I dreamt I was the cast of Grease, (The entire cast. I was Sandy. I was Danny Zuko. I was Rizzo.) but crazy like I wonder if the apple chips aren’t laced with LSD.

Here’s crazy dream 1 of 3:

I was in a room with three girls and two guys. Everyone was really anxious, but I had no idea why. Then Freddy Krueger and Jason walked in. They started talking to each other, but then they turned to us and started making a list. They were really engrossed in the list until one of the girls asked, “Have you decided which one of us you’re going to kill first?”

“You’re making your way to the top of the list,” Freddy said.

“I think you should kill her first,” said one of the other girls, pointing to me. “I mean, she’s black so that kind of goes without saying.”

Of course I was offended and I was about to say something to that girl, when Jason looked down at the list and said, “Um, actually, we can’t kill her. She’s a prude so that cancels out the whole black thing.”

“Yeah, you’re free to go,” Freddy said.

I stuck out my tongue that the racist girl and left.

Next thing I know I’m at a pool party with a bunch of my friends. I should have immediately realized that it was a dream at this point because I never go anywhere near a pool. Chlorine makes me break out into a full body rash so in order to avoid looking like the personification of a festering sore, I stay away from pools. However, in the dream, I kicked off my shoes, put on a bathing suit and hopped right in.

I was swimming and laughing with my friends when all of a sudden, I noticed an orange octopus staring at me. I thought maybe he was just looking in my general direction, but no matter where I went, the octopus was still looking at me. Finally, I was so creeped out that I decided to leave the party. I got out of the pool and started looking for my shoes. My shoes were nowhere to be found. I was checking under deck chairs and tables, in the bathroom, by the showers, there was no sign of my shoes. Then, I turned around and the orange octopus was eating my shoes! And they were cute shoes!

“What the heck? Why are you eating my shoes?” I asked the octopus.

He gave me a blank stare and then proceeded to swallow my shoe.

I was about to kick him into the pool when Chi-chi showed up and yelled at me for letting the octopus eat my shoes.

At this point I realized it was a dream because Chi-chi’s head was on fire and when I told her it was on fire, she said, “You’re now noticing! You are so self-involved!”