Pet peeves are never rational.

There’s no rhyme or reason behind them. No one knows why or how they develop, but everyone has that one thing that gets under their skin and causes them to go from 1 to AHHHHH!!! in 0.5 seconds. For example, Kira loses her ever loving mind when you leave a dish in the sink. Over the summer when I was living with her and Tom, I left numerous dishes in the sink for entertainment because I couldn’t give a crap I’m forgetful. This meant that Kira would hit her AHHHHH!!! level within 10 minutes of coming home and usually 2-3 times on weekends.

He-Man’s pet peeve is seeing shoes without feet in them left in the living room. This means that he hits his AHHHHH!!! level as soon as I get home. Don’t ask me why, but I find it physically impossible to leave my shoes anywhere but the living room. It’s as though they magically fly off my feet as soon as I cross the threshold. Either magic or I’m too lazy and couldn’t give a crap forgetful.

As I was thinking about pet peeves (because my life is so boring that I honestly have nothing else to think about) I realized that I have an insane amount of pet peeves. Correction: I have an insane amount of immature pet peeves. When I did a mental tally of them the list came out to 50. (That’s a lot of things to be peeved over. And one of my pet peeves is ending sentences with prepositions so that last sentence is currently driving me insane. I also hate “a lot” but that’s so ingrained in my vernacular that I have no choice but to tolerate it.) I have so many pet peeves that I can separate them into categories.

Since I have no other subject to write about today, unless you want to read my  thoughts on Ecofeminism in 19th Century British Literature, I’m going to list my Top 10 Pompous Grammar/ Literature Snob Pet Peeves.

10 ) Keeping books in alphabetical order on a shelf.

         When there are so many orignal ways to keep your books neat and organized on a shelf, why would you choose such a juvenile system?

9 ) The word “irregardless”.

      It’s not a word. A quick and simple definition of the word “regardless” is “despite the consequences”.  “Ir” is a negative prefix so when you attach it to a word with a negative meaning, then you have a double negative which is essentially a positive so in order to make it negative you would have to add another prefix to it and…oh look, blood is leaking out of my ear.

8 ) Adding z to the end of a word to make it plural.

      “S’ was created for a reason. God is an advocate of “s.” Think about it: we have Jesus instead of Jezuz and the Holy Spirit instead of the Holy Zpirit. People who use “z” instead of “s” are evil. Think about it: Beelzebub. Demon. Enough said. (No, I cannot account for “satan.”)

7 ) Oxford commas.

     Vampire Weekend can suck my big toe; I give a crap about an Oxford comma. However, I do love that song “A-punk.” Curses!

6 ) Where you at?

     That commercial/catchphrase effectively ruined my life and set my generation back 100,000 steps.

5 ) Liking Johnathan Franzen.

      I feel as though Franzen hates society. Why else would he inflict “Freedom” on the unsuspecting masses?

4 ) Claiming you read J.R.R Tolkein in sixth grade.

      No, you didn’t.

3 ) Using ebonics without irony in text messages.

       Ebonics is NOT a language. If you send me a text message in ebonics, I will correct your spelling errors and send it back to you.

 2 ) Your and you’re.

       One has an apostrophe. One does not. One means that the item in question belongs to you. One means you are the item in question.  If you want to know which one to use, say the sentence or phrase over to yourself before you write it. For example: I lent Emmanuel your book= good.

                                  I lent Emmanuel you are book= bad.

    If it helps, think of it this way: “apostrophe” starts with “a”. What letter is missing from “you’re”? An a!

1) The fact that this post will most likely have spelling/ grammatical errors.

     Karma works quickly when you’re being a jerk.