On Tuesday night, I had a bad case of insomnia.
Mind you, I went to bed early because I hadn’t slept well the night before.
I thought Monday’s bad sleep was due to the fact that I wasn’t sleeping in my own bed (I’m pet/ house sitting again), but I’ve been known to make a pillow of my own lap when sleep strikes.
What made the insomnia even worse was the fact that I was tired. I was so tired that I didn’t want to get out of bed to turn on the light so I could read. I kept laying there, with my eyes closed, bargaining with God.
10:30: Lord, why can’t I fall asleep? I’m so tired. My eyes are feeling heavy. I’m getting very sleepy…sleepy…sleepy.
10:35: Did I just try to hypnotize myself?
11:00: Where did I leave my underwear?
11:05: Am I wearing underwear now?
11:45: Lord, if you let me fall asleep right now I’ll put some extra tithe in the offering plate this month.
11:46: Yes, Lord, I really just tried to bribe you. Please don’t hate me.
12:50: Ugh, did I close the bedroom door? The cat’s going to come in if I didn’t.
12:51: Oh! Did I fall asleep! I think I slept! (checks time) Crap.
2:00: If you count peacocks maybe you can terrify yourself to sleep.
2:30: 36 peacocks, 37 peacocks, 38 peacocks…what’s touching my leg?
2:31: Or you’ll just terrify yourself.
2:32: There is nothing touching your leg. It’s all in your imagination. When you reach out you will feel nothing….
2:34: Dang it, Simba! I knew I didn’t close the door!
3:00: Simba, this is sleep time, not chew on my hair time.
3:47: It’s not bat my face with your paw time either.
4:15: Nor is it chew on my nose time.
5:00: Tomorrow is really gonna suck.
5:01: Simba, this isn’t extreme makeover, please stop eating my face.
5:39: Wait, I’m not wearing underwear.
5:40: Where the heck did I put my underwear?
5:41: I hope the dogs didn’t take it.
5:42: The people at Target are going to think I’m a slut if I keep buying underwear at this rate.
6:00: Oh wait, there it is!
6:01: Undies, Undies, oh how I’ve missed you.
6:12: I should write a poem called “Ode to my Underwear.”
6:22: Underwear! Underwear! Under…where?
Where have you gone, my underwear?
Did I leave you in the kitchen?
Did I leave you in the drawer?
Did I leave you a safe box under the floor?
Underwear! Underwear! I lov- Simba! Stop it!
6:30: Is that the alarm?
6:31: Did I just write a poem about my underwear?
6:32: I really need to stop finding my underwear hysterical.
I will never stop finding my underwear hysterical.