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Before I went to Kenya, my friend, Hannah, took me to a place called “Butterfly World” which had a bug zoo.

This bug zoo had specimens of all sorts of exotic bugs from around the world.

Hannah took great pleasure in pointing out all of the bugs from Kenya, most of which were the size of a small elephant, and saying, “What if you wake up one morning with this?”

However, terror sometimes comes in small packages.

This is the case with Safari Ants or “Siafu.”

Siafu don’t play.

They travel in millions, have the ability to crawl into anything, and can produce shrieks and screams from a bungalow full of grown women in 2.5 seconds.

That’s talent right there.

Since Kenley’s 23rd birthday happened while we were in Kenya, we decided to throw her a surprise party at Brittany’s house. We put up streamers, the women that cooked for us baked a cake because they’re that awesome, and we yelled, “Surprise!” when she walked through the door. Then we attacked the cake like a pack of hyenas and watched a cheesy chick-flick.

I wouldn’t call any of us “girly-girls” but sometimes we like to indulge in stereotypes.

Around 11 o’clock at night we started to walk back to the bungalow with one lamp between the seven of us. It was pitch dark outside and even with the lamp we could only see about a foot ahead of us. If we walked along the dirt path from Brittany’s house to the bungalow, we would be enveloped by darkness. If we walked through the grass from Brittany’s house to the bungalow, we would have some more light from one of the buildings nearby. We chose to walk through the grass.

Do you see where this is heading?

We ended up separating into two groups because 7 women crowding around 1 lamp makes for lots of squished toes. 4 of us walked ahead and 3 walked behind with the lamp. The 4 of us that were walking ahead eventually got too far ahead and had to wait for the other 3. We didn’t have a lamp so we couldn’t see where we were standing.

Or what we were standing in.

Now, the thing with Safari Ants is that if you step in them and keep going, you’ll be ok. If you step in them and remain there, they’ll crawl all over you.

And then they’ll bite.

When we got to the bungalow door and turned on a light, we saw a couple of ants, but thought nothing of it. We all kicked off our shoes and started to get ready for bed. The next thing I knew, Kelly screamed bloody murder, stripped off her pants and went running for the bathroom. I asked what had happened and someone said, “She literally had ants in her pants.”

I had very little time to process this news because a few seconds later, Tesia and Meredith started to scream. I walked across the bungalow to our room, opened the door, and was greeted by a very strange sight.

Tesia and Meredith were jumping around our room, stark raving naked, beating the floor with shoes.

At this point, I passed out.

Because I couldn’t breathe.

Because I was laughing so hard.

When I finally came to, I started to walk back to the other side of the bungalow to tell the girls what had happened. Unfortunately, I never made it there.

The ants got me.

Much like Kelly, I literally had ants in my pants.

Nobody really slept that night because every two seconds someone would swear the ants were in her bed.

Happy Birthday, Kenley.

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