Pink toilet paper

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Nigel: 2

Chi-chi: 0

A few months ago my uncle, Nigel, came to live with us. He has added immensely to the hilarity that takes place on a daily basis in the Byng household. Take, for instance, this exchange between Nigel and Chi-chi:

Nigel: Carol, I’m going to the store, do you need anything?

Chi-chi: (thoughtfully) Well, we need toilet paper, but that’s a whole process. You can get the toilet paper if it’s $6.49 or less, but only if it’s 2-ply and Quilted Northern or- you know what, I’d have to explain the process to you.

Nigel: Ok, explain to me your rationale, or rather, your irrationale.

(Chi-chi launches into a 30 minute explanation on how she buys toilet paper.)

Nigel: That is way too complicated.

Chi-chi: But you like my toilet paper, don’t you?

Nigel: (long pause) It wipes…