Cashew nut snack, roasted and salted

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5:40 am- Wake up

5:40:01 am- Hit snooze button on alarm

5:50- Hit snooze button one more time

6:00- Curse self for being so lazy and fall out of bed

6:04- Crawl into the bathroom

6:06- Hiss at bathroom light for being so bright

6:29- Get dressed

6:36- Get dressed again

6:40- Get dressed for what I swear is the last time

6:50- Curse self for being so vain

6:51- Sing Carly Simon’s “You’re so vain” in head

7:00- Eat breakfast

7:07- Open cabinet to pack lunch

7:07:01- Berate self for not going to the grocery store

7:07:02- Wonder if toast for lunch is an option

7:07:03- Wonder if co-workers will laugh at me for bringing Ramen noodles to work

7:10- Realize I have the ingredients for a protein shake

7:10:01- Except milk

7:10:02- Berate self for not going to the grocery store

7:15- Leave for work with an apple, cashews, and questionable grapes for lunch

7:45- Arrive at work

7:46- Pray that God will forgive me for my road rage and promise to be better tomorrow

8:20- Start working

9:00- Stress about finding a parking spot at school later

9:15- Check email and realize I forgot to send in a project

9:15:01- Curse self for being so foolish

10:00- Hear stomach growling

10:05- Start daydreaming about peanuts

10:12- Reach into purse for bag of peanuts

10:12:01- Remember I packed cashews

10:13- Be miserable and continue to dream about peanuts

10:30- Finish up projects and start making a mental checklist of homework I have to complete

11:00- Start crying over mental checklist

11:15- Wonder why I wanted to go to grad school

11:16- Despair

11:18- Have ridiculous project placed on desk and remember why I wanted to go to grad school

11:45- Wonder how in the heck I’m going to finish ridiculous project before class

12:15 pm- Finish project and start preparing to leave for school

12:30- Leave for school

12:32- Catch glimpse of self in mirror and hate outfit

12:33- Curse self for being so vain

12:34- Fix my hair in mirror

1:15- Arrive at school

1:16- Curse skateboarding hippie

1:17- Pray that God will forgive me for cursing skateboarding hippie

1:20- Nearly get run over by aforementioned hippie and remember that my wrath is justified.

1:30- Get to my other job

1:31- Attempt to make myself useful

1:32- Feel utterly useless

2:00- Receive compliment from boss and feel useful

3:30- Walk to class

4:00- Class starts

5:15- Get called on in class and give an answer that makes no sense

5:15:01- Wonder why I thought I was smart enough to go to grad school

5:50- Go on break and talk with classmates

6:00- Find out that classmates feel the same way

6:03- Give wonderful answer to teacher’s question

6:50- Class ends

6:51- Walk back to parking garage

6:58- Don’t look loitering raccoon in the eye

7:00- Begin hour-long drive home

7:15- Get caught in a rainstorm of Biblical proportions

7:30- Wonder if God is angry about my hippie wrath

7:50- Sing “Rose’s Turn” in the car

7:51- Get caught singing “Rose’s Turn” by another driver

7:52- Sit in silence for the rest of the drive

8:00- Get home

8:10- Indulge the thought of dinner

8:15- Find a piece of tilapia and some leftover quinoa in the fridge

8:30- Eat dinner

8:35- Wonder just how long that tilapia was sitting in the fridge

9:00- Make mental note to go to grocery store

9:01- Get up to do homework

10:00- Pass out on top of homework