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I have a bad habit of not thinking certain decisions all the way through.

I’ll get the lightbulb, the angel on my shoulder will say, “Go for it!”, and I’ll run head first into madness.

Although this particularly time I ran butt first.

My thighs were quick to follow.

On Wednesday afternoons I have class. I usually leave work around 2 to get to class for 4. You may wonder why I leave a 2 hours ahead of time, but if you’ve ever tried to park at FAU and make it to class on time, you know why. When I find a good parking spot (and I’ve been lucky this past week) I usually have about 45 minutes to kill before my class. Typically, I have a sit and read for class.

On this particular Wednesday, or yesterday, it was a lovely day outside and I was wearing a lovely sundress. The face melting heat had abated and instead the sun shined pleasantly like it does in those cartoons from the 50’s. If I could have looked directly at it, I’m sure the sun would have been smiling. Really, it was that gorgeous outside.

I’m a little desk minion, which means I spend the majority of my day sitting in an office. I do have the luxury of a window, but when I look outside all I see are people in their apartments. Sometimes I also see a guy walking around naked in his apartment, but such is life. Don’t ask me how he affords such a nice apartment when all he does is lounge in the nude. That’s an entirely separate issue.

Anyway, it was so lovely outside that I thought to myself, ‘Self, you should really sit outside. It’s not too hot, you’re in a sundress, and your legs are looking quite pasty.’ My self replied, ‘That is an excellent idea!’ So myself raced over to a stone bench that was bathed in sunshine.

If you have any common sense, you can see where this is going.

Stone surface + Hours of sunlight = Human sized frying pan

Oh how I wish I had touched the bench with my hand first.

Or that I had been wearing a longer dress.

When I sat down, the skirt lifted and so my entire backside hit the 1000 degree surface. I think I heard the hair on the legs burn and die. The skin didn’t so much burn as it did cook. For the rest of the day I smelled bacon and I’m pretty sure it was coming from my thighs.

If being scalded by nature and your own lack of common sense isn’t bad enough, I definitely screamed when I sat down. And there were several people nearby that heard me. And I definitely screamed, “AAAAIIIYYYYEEEEE!!!” when it happened. I’m pretty sure they think I’m mentally unstable now.

What sucks the most is that I’m going to have to wear pants until the burns heal.

And my pride comes back.

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