Mondays are my long days. I leave my house at 7am and don’t get back until 11pm. By then I’m doing everything I can to stay awake. I can’t drink coffee because of that blasted anxiety I picked up, so riding a caffeine high is out of the question.

Unless I want to ride that high right off a bridge.

Caffeine really does a number on me.

I shake like a chihuahua.

In order to keep myself awake during my commute, I’ve come up with a few (unsafe) things to do.

1 ) Aim for the hippies.

2 ) Mock the people I see jogging at 10 o’clock at night.

3 ) Look at my own tummy and sigh.

4 ) Sing show tunes.

5 ) Pretend I’m Ethel Merman.

6 ) Get caught by someone in a Prius and then feel ashamed.

7 ) Speed past the Prius and continue to sing. Now in the style of Idina Menzel!

8 ) Play zitch dog with myself. I always win.

9 ) Go over previous class discussions in my head and come up with brilliant things I should have said.

10 ) Yell at Mona the Ipod for playing so much Miley Cyrus.

11 ) Apologize to Mona because I really should have taken that Miley Cyrus album off there.

12 ) Think back on the phase in which I secretly liked Miley Cyrus and shudder.

13 ) Laugh at jokes my friends made ten years ago.

14 ) Get caught by the same Prius and pretend I’m on a bluetooth.

15 ) Remember that time I had a conversation with someone in an elevator while they were on a bluetooth.

16 ) Laugh at my own stupidity.