Last week I had a sucktacular day.
And it was a tricky sucktacular day.
Which, if possible, made its sucktacularness even worse.
So here’s what happened:
The sun was shining. There were birds outside my window when I woke up. When I arose from my peaceful slumber I felt rested. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt rested? I do. It’s been 57 days. When you can’t sleep you have to count something and sheep scare me so I count days.
Actually, sheep don’t scare me, but they do make me nervous.
It’s all because of that movie “Black Sheep.”
But that’s another blog post for another day.
I flitted into the kitchen that morning, made myself a peanut butter sandwich and a salad for lunch, and practically skipped to work. The sun was shining. There were birds outside my window, and I felt rested. In the car I sang along with Ingrid Michaelson and Marin Mazzie. I was off-key, but I didn’t care. I was rested! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt rested?!
At work everything was calm and peaceful; no one was stressed out, everyone was helping each other, and some of my co-workers had funny stories to share with me. I do love a funny story. Especially when I’m not the main character of the funny story.
I ate my lunch outside because it was such a nice day. The sun was shining! There were birds singing outside my window! I was practically singing! Scratch that: I was singing!
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright!” I sang to myself as I flitted like a Disney princess through my day.
Then 2pm came.
There was a rumbly in my tumbly.
Then it was 2:30pm and the rumbly was still in my tumbly.
Then Jenny came into work and asked, “Are you ok?”
To which I replied, “I feel iffy! Oh so iffy! I feel iffy and icky and…SICK!”
But the sun was shining!
There were freakin’ birds outside my window!
Jenny relieved me and I went home. Before I left the office she handed me a plastic bowl and said, “You should take this just in case.”
As I drove home, I started to sweat, but I thought, ‘No, you’re ok. You got this. You just need to lie down and get some rest.’
The sun was still shining…those birds were still singing.
I was two streets away from home and I thought, ‘Oh yeah, you’re gonna throw up. You are definitely gonna throw up.’
I was three houses away from home when I started praying, ‘Lord, let me get home. Please, please, please, let me get home.’
And the Lord saith unto me, “Sorry, Gyasi. That ain’t gonna happen.”
I threw up on a street corner.
With the blasted sun shining and those God awful birds singing I threw up everything I had ever eaten in my whole life ever.
Lunch doesn’t taste so good during an encore performance.