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I’ve been meaning to post this for about a week, but grad has been treating like it’s quadroon slave, so my writing time has been limited.

I have two papers due next week.

I have a presentation tomorrow.

I stepped in a questionable puddle yesterday, and now my shoe smells funny.

I really hope it was water.

Anyway, if you haven’t read Part One of this post, you should do that now.

Are you caught up?

Good.

So after all the events of Peanut butter tastes even worse in reverse, I held my stomach in my hand and made my way home. Upon my arrival at Casa de He-man y Chi-chi, I discovered that He-man was having the driveway paved. Or rather, he was having one created. For the last five years we’ve been parking on dirt.

There were workers a go-go and cement a day glow in my parking spot. This meant that I had to park on the street. Now, when I say street, I mean “dirt road that horses constantly use as their latrine.” We live in the acreage so there’s dirt and sand everywhere. When you go outside, be prepared to be covered in grit.

In addition to the grit, we have a huge canal outside our house. Everyone in Florida has a canal outside their house. I’m not sure why, but maybe it’s because “canal” is such a fun word.

The canal outside our house is about 3 feet wide, give or take. When I parked my car on the horse latrine, I figured I would walk as close as I could to the edge of the canal, hop it, and then go on my merry way to the house. I grabbed up my bag, put my stomach in the plastic bowl Jenny had given me to hurl in, and walked down the slope to the canal.

The only problem was that the guy who mows our lawn is a tiny Mexican who doesn’t like the canal; therefore, he does not mow the grass around that area. (I think he fears snakes and water fowl as much as I.) When I reached the canal, I realized that I could not tell where it began and where it ended. I tapped my foot along what I thought was the edge to feel for moisture and when I found a wet spot, I leapt.

I came down quite easily on the other side.

Well, part of me did.

The other half was covered in muck, mire, and something that I really hope was a decaying leaf.

I tried to wipe myself off in the grass, but I only found more muck, mire, and a substance that I really hope was old cardboard.

Thankfully, the day didn’t get any worse.

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