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When I first started this blog, I mentioned my colon cleanser cookies in passing, but now I think they deserve an entire post.

This is also because I’m running low on blog material.

My colon cleanser cookies do just that: cleanse your colon. There’s nothing particularly special about the cookies. I don’t put flax-seed or fiber in them. They’re made out of oatmeal, brown sugar, flour, and cranberries, but something about them causes a rumbly in the tumbly. They taste great and I always make sure the cookie is the size of your face. (I don’t do small bite-sized cookies. Go big or go to the gym.) However, when you eat a colon cleanser cookie, you will have to go to the lavatory within the hour.

My family loves these cookies for two reasons: 1) We heart cookies mucho and 2) We love our colons even more.

Typically, I only make these cookies for big family occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the other day I made a batch for Chi-chi to take with her to NY. She’s spending a few days with my sister and her family. Now, you have to understand that Chi-chi is one of those people who never travels without her own food, so the night before her trip she was rummaging through the cupboards looking for food. She had a huge plastic bag of mixed nuts, some chips, and a box of tea. As I watched her foraging, I asked, “Mom, would you like me to make you some cookies?”

Her eyes lit up, “Your oatmeal cookies?”

“Yes. I’ll even put pecans and almonds in them.”

“And ginger?”

“See how you took it too far?”

I set to work and within the hour had about a dozen colon cleanser cookies ready for Chi-chi. Each one was huge and loaded with as many cranberries, pecans, and almonds as they would hold. We let the cookies cool overnight and then packed them in a bag for Chi-chi to take on the plane. I figured 12 massive cookies would tide her over during her trip.

Then I received this text message from Kira:

“So let’s talk about those colon cleanser cookies. I ate one when I got home from work last night. I don’t think I have a colon anymore.”

Colon cleanser cookies for not for the faint of heart.

Colon cleanser cookie don’t play.