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I waited about four days before I logged back on to certainlyspinster.com

During that time they had sent me about six emails with new matches to check out.

Not wanting to seem desperate (laugh all you want), I decided to put off checking them for a few days.

When I finally did, I discovered why people take to the drink.

Here was some of the PG dialogue I uttered while checking my matches:

“Oh, you’re twenty-six, you’re a mechanic, that’s ni-wait, you’re divorced and you’ve got three kids? How…when? When did you have time in your twenty-six years of life to have three kids and get divorced? I haven’t had time to make babies and end a marriage in twenty-three years of life.”

“Yeah, there must be something wrong with me. Other people are already on their second marriages and I haven’t even gotten to my first yet. CRAP!”

“Wait, do I really want to be a sequel wife?”

 “Didn’t I say that I didn’t want to be matched with divorced people?” Certainlyspinster.com, I am not pleased with you.”

“Da Illest Negro, I’m not interested. Please refrain from messaging me in the future.”

“NO! NO! NO! NO! You are forty-five years old and you have two kids that appear to be my age. Why on earth would you think that we’re a good match? Take your geriatric AARP card-carrying member behind over to maturesingles.com and leave me the heck alone.”

“I think I’m too judgmental for online dating.”

Lesson 2: Take every online dating match with a grain of salt…and if possible a shot of lemonchello.