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I was about two weeks into my membership with certainlyspinster.com when something miraculous happened.

I logged on to the site and found a new match waiting for me in my inbox.

At this point in time, I was starting to learn the lessons that online dating had to teach me, so I approached this new match with a glass of lemonchello and a shot of self-esteem. When I clicked on soccerdude’s profile, I found a kindly chap with a love of Arsenal and Manchester City. I happen to like Arsenal. I prefer Manchester United, but you can’t win them all.

“Huh, ok so we share a similar hobby.”

Soccerdude lived in my area, attended church nearby, and was working on his master’s. He enjoyed the outdoors, was well-read, and enjoyed a good comedy.

“Yes, but does he like Indian food?”

Soccerdude listed Indian food as one of his favorites. He also liked Japanese and Cuban. The rice would overfloweth in our house. The curry would run rampant.

His profile was sweet, sincere, and to the point. He knew exactly what he was looking for in a girl and wasn’t afraid to spell it out. I can appreciate directness in a man. Certainlyspinster.com had put on its big girl pants and gotten to work! They had found a great guy for me! Soccerdude and I even went to the same college!

Soccerdude and I went to the same college?

That was when I hit the brakes on my giddy train. My school was fairly small and even if you didn’t know everyone by name, you knew them by face. I decided to check out Soccerdude’s picture.

I definitely knew him.

We definitely had classes together.

He definitely dated one of my friends.

He also never said two words to me while they were dating.

It’s nice to know I’m compatible with people who have absolutely no interest in me.

Does wonders for the self-esteem.

“You fail yet again, certainlyspinster.com. Why do I keep coming back to you? Another message? NO! I do NOT want to talk to you Da Illest Negro!”

Lesson 3: Some people are like a bad case of herpes; they just won’t go away.