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Me: Oh I got an email from certainlyspinster.com!

Jenny: Another 40-year-old?

Tesia: Open it!

Me: This one is actually really good. He’s a basketball coach and he’s only 26. Kudos certainlyspinster.com.

Jenny: He’s kind of cute. You guys go to the same school!

Me: Went to the same school. He graduated, see?

Tesia: He’s a Catholic though, Gyasi.

Me: Well, that could pose a bit of a problem later.

Jenny: But he likes rock climbing and he reads.

Me: I’m a Baptist.

Jenny: He’s educated and likes Cuban food!

Me: And he’s a Catholic.

Jenny: He lives nearby.

Me: My faith is really important to me.

Jenny: He’s got a steady job.

Me: One of us would have to convert.

Jenny: What?

Me: Catholics and Baptists have radically different beliefs. I may have to let this one go.

Jenny: You know you’re not getting any younger.

Lesson 9: Realize that you’re picky and never open emails in front of friends.