I walk into my house after a good, long run.
Me: (sniffs) What on earth is that smell?
(walks around the kitchen sniffing)
Me: The garbage went out this morning.
(continues walking and sniffing, then notices heat coming from the stove.)
Me: Oh, something’s cooking in the oven. (inhales deeply) Nope, that’s not it. What on earth is that smell?
(sits down on the couch)
Me: Is there something in the cushions? (checks under the couch for socks and shoes and between the cushions for food) Seriously, what is that smell?
(He-Man enters the scene)
Me: Do you smell that? Is that you?
He-Man: I don’t smell anything.
Me: (sniffing the air) Something smells. (gets up and goes to take a shower)
(Turns on the light in the bathroom)
Me: It smells in here too! What is that smell? (looks at the sink) WHY IS THERE AN ONION IN MY SINK?!
He-Man: Oh, your mother and your aunt put those around the house to get rid of cold germs.
Me: So there are onions just laying around the house?
He-Man: (unperturbed) Yes.
Me: (throws onion out) Whatever.
(takes shower and goes into bedroom to get dressed)
Me: (turns on light) Crap, the whole house smells- (glances over at bookshelf) ONION! WHY IS THERE AN ONION IN MY ROOM?!
(storms into the living room looking for someone to scold)
Uncle Nigel: (entering house with arms full of packages) Hi, Gyas-
Me: ONIONS! THERE ARE ONIONS IN MY BATHROOM! THERE ARE ONIONS IN MY BED! WHY?! WHY ARE THERE ONIONS EVERYWHERE?!
(storms back into bedroom and puts on fuzzy slippers to calm down)
Me: (grumbling to self) grumble, grumble, grumble. ONION! grumble, grumble, grumble.
(Chi-chi enters the scene)
Me: Were the onions your brilliant idea?
Chi-chi: We didn’t want you to get sick.
Me: So strategically placed onions were the obvious solution!?
(stalks into the office to check email)
Me: ONIONS!!!! WHY ARE THERE ONIONS ON MY DESK!!!!!!!