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On Christmas morning, instead of going to church (like a good little Baptist girl), I went on a Christmas morning run.

Apparently, Jesus was not too happy with this decision, because I came up with this list due to what happened on my run:

10 ) What is that?

9 ) Doesn’t that yard usually have a dog in it?

8 ) It’s Christmas morning, they probably brought him inside.

7 ) No, they didn’t.

6 ) Does he see me?

5 ) I hope I can run faster than him.

4 ) I wonder if I can climb that tree.

3 ) Do my shoes have grips for climbing trees?

2 ) No.

1 ) At least the neighborhood smells like pie.

Let me take a moment to answer the questions forming in your brain:

Yes, this actually happened. Yes, the dog chased me. No, this was not the first time I’ve been chased by a dog while running. No, I did not end up having to climb a tree. That’s only because a car came along and took out the dog. No, that didn’t actually didn’t happen. (THAT STUPID CAR MISSED! Seriously, how could he miss, the dog was 3 feet from his bumper!) A squirrel came along and the dog had to face his own Kobayashi Maru. I seized the opportunity, hopped a fence, cut through someone’s yard, and ran home.

Do you see why I prefer cats?