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A few days ago, I got chased by a dog when I was out running.

That wasn’t new.

I’ve been chased by dogs before and my old neighbors hellhound tackled me once.

Really, I should start carrying pepper spray or doggie treats when I go out.

Or a pellet gun.

Or a taser.

I am NOT a dog person.

The only dogs I like belong to family members and the only reason I like those dogs is because they have proven themselves to be smart and cunning. None of that “man’s best friend” crap. I want a dog that could pull off a heist or at the very least, drive the getaway car and evade police.

Not that I’ve put any amount of thought into this.

However, something weird and altogether strange happened on New Year’s Eve when I went for a run: I got chased by a chicken.

I knew people in my neighborhood kept chickens. One of our neighbors even gave us a dozens eggs for Christmas. What I did not know is that sometimes the chickens roam free. And that chickens can be territorial.

I was running along, minding my business when I decided to cut through someone’s yard to avoid some sprinklers on the side of the road. I saw the chickens, but all I thought was, “Oh look! A chicken!” not “Oh crap! A chicken!” I thought that was soon as a approached the yard, the chickens would scatter in a chicken like fashion. I assumed they would act like chickens. The majority of them did, but every party has a pooper.

I was about two steps into the yard when I heard a squawk. Then, the squawk got louder. And louder. I was still running at my usual pace when I realized that the squawk was not fading off in the distance. Which is what happens when you’re running past something. It’s when that sucker is following and gaining on you that the sound gets louder and louder.

I turned around and realized that I was being chased by a chicken.

I was so surprised by this recent turn of events that I stopped running and stood in the middle of the road, completely flummoxed. (Side note: isn’t “flummoxed” a fun word? I’ve been trying to work it into a post for about two weeks now). That allowed the chicken to catch up with me. The chicken was ready to claw my eyes out when I came to my senses and high tailed it down the street. After a block or two the chicken tired out and stood watching me.

I swear the chicken gave me the evil eye.