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(Just in case you were wondering)

Tiana (Disney)

Image via Wikipedia

“Gyasi, you packed our bag into the car.”

“Yes.”

 “I left my shoes next to our bag in your room.”

 “And?”

 “That means YOU left my shoes in West Palm.”

 “Oops.”

 (And now onto Part 2 of the story)

 Disney apparently hates runners of all shapes and sizes.

 That’s not true, but I’m still angry that they made me wake up at 2:45am on a Sunday.

 The race didn’t start until 5:45, but we had to be in our corral by 5. This meant that we had to catch the shuttle at 4:00. This meant that we had to start walking to the shuttle stop at 3:30. Kira needed at least 15 minutes to do her hair for the race. This meant that I needed at least 10-15 minutes to whine to Jesus before I woke up to run 13.2 miles.

 Me: Dear Lord, when you created the world and everything on it, you didn’t start before 10am, did you? You wanted to be well rested before you started making lions, tigers, and bears, am I right?

 When we started walking to the shuttle stop, I realized something very important. Orlando is 3 hours north of West Palm Beach. At that point in time, West Palm was in the midst of a cold front. When I say “cold front” I mean that instead of being a balmy 75 degrees, it is instead a chilly 65 degrees. However, as you advance into the north, it gets colder. Orlando is about 3 hours colder than West Palm Beach. That makes no sense? Let me put it this way:

 AIIIIIYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

 Me: Crap. Crap. Crap, crap, crap it’s cold. I am so freakin’ cold. Where’s the global warming I was promised? Can I get some global warming in this mother?

 Sister from NY: What are you talking about? This is niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!

 (30 minutes later)

 Sister from NY: Crap. Crap. Crap, crap, crap it’s cold. I am so freakin’ cold.

 Me: Told you so.

 The reason why I think Disney hates runners of all shapes and sizes is because they make you stand in 45 degree weather at 5am.

 And you can’t bring a jacket with you.

 Well, you can, but then you either have to tie it around your waist or leave it on the side of the road.

 The last time I ran with a jacket I had to tie it around my waist halfway through my run. I had about 4 miles left during which time the jacket proceeded to rub all the skin off the small of my back.

 I now have a very scabby tramp stamp.

 It kind of looks like a pair of cat eyes.

 (I always feel like somebody’s watching meeeeee!!!!)

 Kira and I were in corral B which meant that we started 5-7 minutes after corral A. That meant 5-7 more minutes in the cold. The only thing that kept me going was seeing all the people in costume. There were girls dressed like Belle, Pocahantas, Tiana, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Mulan, Jasmine, and unfortunately, Ariel.

 Why do I say “unfortunately”?

 Because that meant too many hideous red wigs.

 And waaaaay too many seashell bras.

 I took solace in the fact that those girls were freezing their fish tails off.

 You should know that even though it’s the Disney PRINCESS half-marathon, men are allowed to join the fun. The only rule is that they can’t start in corrals A or B with the speedy (and me) women runners. I had to give credit to the men there because they were all about the dress up fun. There were men dressed like Prince Charming, Prince Philip, Aladdin, Flynn Rider, John Smith, Prince Naveen, and…Tinkerbell.

 Apparently the House of Mouse fully endorses men in drag.

 I do not.

 Because all the pixies passed me…

 They had to start a full 15 minutes after me and I got passed by dudes in tutus at mile 3.

 I’m so ashamed.

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