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Let me tell you about Pace Charming.

 Usually for long distance races, there are people called “Pacers.”

 They maintain a certain pace for the entire race (there was no way for me to comfortably avoid that rhyme). If you want to get a certain time, you keep pace with them. Since I wanted to finish in 2:15, I had to keep pace with the 2:15 pacer. Now, somebody at Disney is extremely punny; therefore, Disney Princess Half-Marathon Pacers are known as “Pace Charming.”

 Now, even though I’ve only done one long distance race, I feel as though Disney has an entirely different set of criteria for their pacers. Here’s the reason: Pace Charming was H-O-T-T hot.

 Sorry, let me rephrase that: EVERY Pace Charming was H-O-T-T hot.

 There are very few people who earn the extra T when I classify them as hot. Most of the people on my H-O-T-T hot list are celebrities because it’s their job to be pretty and make other people feel bad about themselves. Here are the top five men on my H-O-T-T hot list:

 1)      Shemar Moore

2)      Chris Pine

3)      Zachary Quinto (I don’t care that he’s gay now. He is still a fine specimen of male.)

4)      Korean pop star Rain (google him and prepare to be amazed.)

5)      Patrick Stewart (Don’t ask. I’ve had a crush on Capt. Jean-Luc Picard since I was 4. I will always love Jean-Luc.)

 The 2:15 Pace Charming was a combination of Lance Armstong’s calves, Zac Efron’s abs, Zachary Quinto and Adrian Brody tall, dark, and handsome good looks, and Michael Ealy’s charm. He was also one of those people that don’t look tired and haggard (me) after a 13.2 mile run. He’s one of those people that look flushed. He had a healthy glow at mile 7 while I had buckets of armpit sweat running down to my heels and chafe sores in unmentionable places.

 Next time I do a long distance run I’ve putting Vaseline everywhere.

 It is no fun having a chafe sore on your…yeah, let’s just say that I’m uncomfortable all the time now.