Every summer I discover something new about myself.
This is because I now have time to think about something other than school work.
Unfortunately, these moments of self-discovery usually leave me forlorn and depressed.
About two days ago I discovered that I really, really, really like to worry. I knew I was a bit of a worry wort, but I didn’t realize how much of a worry wort I was until I legitimately created something for myself to worry over. My life has become so dull and uneventful (save my regular Words with Friends battles) that I actually created something in my head to worry over. It all started about a month ago when my sister said she was going to give me some gummy bears. “Give me some gummy bears” is code for “situation I’m not ready to discuss on my blog yet.”
To this I replied, “Oh, gummy bears would be really nice. I haven’t had gummy bears in forever and a day.”
She said, “I think you’ll really like the gummy bears.”
I said, “Don’t get all confident now; they’re just gummy bears.”
Two days went by and my life was going along at its usual summery, lackadaisical pace. The days were long, the nights were humid, and I had time to sit in bed and read in the evening. Life was glorious. Life was grand. After months of sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety, peevishness, and mental breakdowns, I was finally able to relax. I could go for a run if I wanted to and not have to worry about the stack of student papers waiting to be graded. I could go to lunch with a friend and not think about the 50 pages of theory I had to read for class the next day.
I should have been happy, right?
Apparently, I’m not happy unless I’m miserable.
When my sister told me, “I’m going to give you some gummy bears” I should have mentally added “gummy bears” to the “List of Things That Are Finally Going Well In My LIfe.” At first I did, but then TOO many things were going well in my life. I was TOO relaxed and happy. I was TOO at ease with how things were playing out. So I took “I’m going to give you gummy bears” off the list and proceeded to hang myself with it.
If I have nothing to worry about, I will create something to worry about. This is what I started doing with “I’m going to give you gummy bears.”
“Well, why is she giving me gummy bears now? Why does she think I would want those gummy bears? What if I get the gummy bears and I don’t like the gummy bears? She knows I only like red, green, and clear gummy bears, what if these gummy bears are orange and yellow? I cannot handle orange and yellow gummy bears! If the gummy bears are orange and yellow then why would she think do give them to me? I’m so stressed out about these gummy bears. Gummy bears bring you nothing but trouble. I should never eat gummy bears ever again. Why do people even like gummy bears? All that sugar goes straight to your thighs! Ugh, that’s it, I’m not taking the gummy bears no matter how hard she tries to give them to me… But what if I really like the gummy bears? What if they are red, green, and clear? What if there is nary a yellow and orange gummy in sight? Ok, fine, I’ll take the gummy bears. Everyone could use a gummy bear now and then. Everything in moderation. Then again, I could like the gummy bears too much and then where would I be? Back in the land of “Crap, my pants don’t fit” that’s what’ll happen! Oh good Lord is it 2am?”
That’s what I did for about 2 weeks.
And because I’m a Christian, I asked my friends to pray about the gummy bears.
Me: I’m really stressed out about these gummy bears. Would you guys mind praying for me?
Friends: Sure! Of course! We love you, Gyasi!
3 Weeks Later…
Me: I’m just so stressed out about these gummy bears. Would you guys pray for me?
That’s not to say that my friends are callous and uncaring. They’re a wonderful bunch and I love them dearly. Part of how they love me is by giving me a swift slap over the head when I get into worry mode. The thing is “gummy bears” is also code for “a situation that is not all that important and really does not need to be discussed for 3 weeks straight.” Gummy bears is not a situation that deserves so much time and energy. Instead of worrying like there’s not tomorrow (and if there weren’t that would be something to worry about) I could be revising a paper to send to submit to a scholarly journal, working on my thesis, taking up folk dancing, admiring myself in a mirror, reading classic novels and then acting like a pretentious douchebag (aka being myself), or teaching Emmalyn how to send sarcastic text messages. She’s already learned how to take video on my iTouch. By the end of next week I could have her playing Words with Friends.
She’s only 2, so I could probably beat her.
No I couldn’t.
I really suck at Words with Friends.