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Shelter Island is about a 2 hour drive and ferry ride from my sister’s house in NY.

He-Man was fine with sitting in his own sweaty filth for the car ride home, but Kira and I were not. We decided to make use of the showers they offered at the race. They were indoors, there was an enclosed changing area, and they handed out free cups of shower gel. What more could one want in life?

Less nudity.

Much, much less nudity.

You may be saying, “Gyasi, you idiot, you were in a public shower. What did you expect?”

To that I would say, “I expected less casual nudity and more business like nudity.”

Let me explain that phrase because now that I have read it I realize that it sounds incredibly scandalous.

What I mean by “business like nudity” is that I expected all the women to come into the showers with their clothes on, stand in line with their clothes on, wait for a shower to become available with their clothes on, go to the next available shower with their clothes on, shower with their clothes off, put on a towel, and then put fresh clothes on.

That’s what I assumed went on in a public shower. I assumed that you tried to spend little time stark raving naked because other people can see you.

Oh how very, very wrong I was.

Apparently, the code of conduct in a public shower is this:

Come into the shower with your clothes on, begin to undress while standing in the line, finish undressing while standing in the line, wait for the next shower to become available while standing naked in the line, talk to your equally naked friend while standing naked in the line, shower naked in the public shower, finish showering, air dry your nakedness, ask a friend if she likes your shoes while you air dry your nakedness, and then put fresh clothes on.

Please do not think that I’m a prude becau- ok, never mind I’m a freakin’ prude.

Don’t ask me why or how I became the way I am, but I really like to wear clothes. I don’t judge the nudists, but I still wonder why on earth they would want to be so very naked when there are so many pretty things to wear. There are pants in the world! There are button down shirts! There are maxi dresses with stripes!

Why on earth would you want to be naked?

I’m practically giddy when I get dressed every morning.

I think of all the possibilities and I practically faint from excitement.

This is not to say that I am the snazziest of all snazzy dressers.

My dear friends can attest to that.

I’ve often been told that I look like the embodiment of corporate America.

Anyway, I’ve seen enough naked ladies to last me a lifetime. This is uncomfortable for me because I have to be a naked lady at least twice a day. I may have to wear a blindfold whenever I shower to avoid seeing another naked lady. Or I could just paint all my full length mirrors black.

There were way too many bare behinds in that room.