As the three of you that read this blog noticed, I had no new material on here for almost a week.
This was due partly to fatigue, my sister and her family being in town, laziness, and a general distaste of going on the internet after 5:30 pm.
You see my problem.
Before I start posting new material, I’ll start with everyone’s favorite (yeah, right): a Weight Watchers update.
As you know, Easter, a thoroughly lovely holiday, occurred almost two weeks ago. This is the holiday when all Christians gather together to commemorate the death of Jesus on the cross and his resurrection as a rabbit that hides colored eggs. My, that was incredibly facetious. Actually, before I get started, I have to off on a tangent for a sentence or two. Where did the logic behind the Easter bunny come from? I take the crucifixion very seriously; however, I can’t help but wonder how we went from the Old Rugged Cross to little Peter Cottontail. I bet the Jews don’t pander to this nonsense. That’s why I need to be a Jew. If only the Jews liked Jesus, I would be all set. I wouldn’t feel left out because my parents never made us Easter baskets as children or bought us Easter bonnets. Nope, I would have my Passover yarmulke and be happy with my Jewish self.
Ok, enough tangent.
My family is full of brown people. Brown people like to gather and eat. What did we do on Easter? We gathered and ate. Oh how we ate. I ate so many yeast rolls my stomach could have been used as the stone that sealed Jesus’ tomb. I’ve never seen my tummy expand to those proportions. To give you yet another creepy and thoroughly inappropriate visual, at one point I was able to see the yeast rolls moving in my stomach. Not that I swallowed them whole or anything. That would be gluttonous and totally fly in the face of the Christian morals and principles I have so lovingly used to guide my life’s path. Please don’t judge me.
To make a long story short (too late) I gained three pounds over Easter.
Three whole pounds.
When I got on the scale Monday morning, I knew it was going to be bad, but I didn’t think it was going to be THAT bad.
It was 6 am and I screamed. I may have also cried, but that’s an entirely different blog post.
In order to get those three pounds off and to keep my skinny jeans from screaming, “GLUTTON!” when I tried to put them on, I embarked on a “I ate too many yeast rolls and now I must pay the price” exercise regimen. Every morning I woke up at the bellybutton of dawn, which is just before the butt crack of dawn, and did Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred. I ate salad and lean protein (much like a rabbit, well, a carnivorous rabbit) for every meal and I cut out snacks. Then, when I got home from work, I did Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred…again. It was not a pleasant week. I do not recommend my “I ate too many yeast rolls and now I must pay the price” exercise regimen to anyone. Just avoid the rolls if you can. Or eat 1 instead of 15,000.
You should also avoid sweet potatoes with coconut, brown sugar, and walnuts.
That’s like brown girl kryptonite.